You are my brandy and chocolate cake

First, I must agree with dabby in stating that your first line is fantastic. We hear so often that the first line of a poem must grab a reader's attention. This line does that and then some.

Unfortunately, the rest of the stanza does not follow suit. The lines following are clunky, filled with extra wording, and fall flat at the end. If I were you, i'd stick to the metaphor of smile/coffin and use different imagery entirely. This will allow the first line to remain poignant and keep you from losing the reader by going off onto a tangent.

The second stanza suffers from the same wording issues. There are a number of words you could cut without losing any meaning, and this would allow the poem to read much more easily. I understand that your intention may be to throw the reader with the second line of each, but it doesn't work to your benefit here.

While the third line follows the problems with the first two, I actually don't mind it here. The wording is strong enough to carry it through its inconsistencies.

Overall, this is an excellent first draft. Work on cutting down the second line of each poem, removing the extra words that are littered throughout, and remove the fifth line from each stanza. If you do that, you will have a very powerful poem here.